the Beginning





This is a very specific point in time.

I’ve been waiting to have the idea for this show for weeks, for months. A space held open in my head waiting for the idea. For months. I’ve done previews and I’ve booked the tour and I’ve stared at the internet and I’ve made chicken and I’ve tried not to worry. But the idea has not come and I have worried. I’ve worried and doubted and waited more and more and more. But then today, having dropped my dad off at the train station and met my friends for some coffee, Whilst driving home to write this (very overdue) brochure copy - dreading the thought of heaving half lies and optimistic promises into something vaguely intriguing but not developmentally restrictive - half way home, it happened. Somewhere between East London and South London - It arrived. The Idea. Just like that. Like a child, late home from school, oblivious to the worry and the panic and the phone calls. It just walked in and sat down like it wasn’t even a big deal. So now I’m typing this in my bedroom because the boy who lives next door is playing the James Bond theme on what I assume to be a trumpet.

And you have to trust me.

Two hours ago I didn’t have the idea. Now I do. And it’s going to be good.

Daniel Kitson – 7th February 2013

Something like a stand up show.

May – 2013

8Th - Liverpool Playhouse -  £10 – Sold Out.

9th – Leeds City Varieties - £10 – Sold Out

11th – Brighton Theatre Royal - £10 - Sold Out

12th – Belfast MAC -£10 – On sale now - details here -

13th – Lancaster, Dukes Playhouse - £10  - Sold Out

14th – Manchester Royal Exchange - £12 – Sold Out

18th – Aldershot, West End Centre - £10 Sold Out

19th – Nottingham Playhouse - £10 –Sold Out

20th – Bristol, Tobacco Factory - £10 (on sale 03/04/13)

22nd – Durham, Gala - £10 – Sold Out

23rd – Scarborough, Stephen Joseph Theatre - £10 – Should be onsale now – contact venue.  

25th – Edinburgh, Lyceum – £10 - Sold Out

26th – Coventry, Warwick Arts Centre - £10 - Sold Out

27th – Norwich, Arts Cenre - £10 – Seats sold out, standing available – contact venue.

28th – Newbury, Corn exchange - £10 (on sale 4/03/13 – earlier to theatre members)

30th – Harrogate Theatre - £10 - Sold Out

31st – Sheffield Lyceum - £10.50 (on sale to theatre members 16/03/13 and general sale



June – 2013

2nd – Cambridge Junction - £10 -  Sold Out

3rd – Cardiff, Sherman Theatre- £11.50  - Sold Out

5th – Lincoln, Lincoln Performing Arts Centre - £10 - On Sale Now

8th – Oslo, Park Theatre – NOK130 – On Sale Now –

9th – Oxford Playhouse - £12 -  Sold Out

11th – Leicester – Just the Tonic £10 - Sold Out

12th – Birmingham, MAC – £10 - Sold Out

14th – Hull Truck Theatre - £10 - On Sale Now

17th – Glasgow, The Arches - £10 - On Sale Now

19th – Colchester Arts Centre - £10 - On Sale Now

20th – Margate Theatre Royal - £10  - On Sale Now

24th – Amsterdam, Toomler – E12.00 On Sale Now – Email for tickets - [email protected]

26th – Hebden Bridge Picture House - £10  - Sold Out

27th – Galway, Roisin Dubh – Sold Out

July 2013

London - TBC

New York - TBC

All date information is correct at the time of typing this into my laptop - but it could change what with people buying tickets - so its always best to check with the venue.

Please dont buy tickets off ebay for shitting fuck tonnes of money. Its utterly heartbreaking, having argued with venues to keep ticket prices down, to have things being touted and so on. If you buy those tickets not only are you being swizzled but you are giving money to criminals in all but law. None of the money goes to the venue or to me (your hero king) it all goes to some avaricious fuckmonkey who has signed up to the mailing list of a performer they have no interest in seeing for the sole purpose of stealing tickets from people who would love to see the show and then profiting from my work and your adorable eagerness.

I know there are various market minded justification for this - but frankly, they can all go fuck themselves into a ditch.

  I promise you will get to experience this show at some point, there will be a recording made - it will be available at some point. I promise. I know its not the same. Not getting to sit in an uncomfortable chair and be irritated by the people around you not getting it right. But. It’s better than being a tiny desperate cog in a greedy greedy wheel.

I would say.